(Spoiler: No, You Can’t)

Let’s get this out of the way first. I can already hear the raised eyebrows and skeptical mutters:

“Uhhhh, exsqueeze me…? Have you ever done a morning commute, met my ex, or watched the news? There are definitely wrong ways to be a healthy human.”

And you’re not wrong—there are plenty of ways people fall short of what we imagine "healthy" to be. But here’s the thing: being a healthy human and practicing Healthy Humaning are not the same thing.

The first, being a healthy human, involves a million different measures—mental, emotional, physical, social—spanning all aspects of your existence. It’s vast, complicated, and often subjective. And it’s way beyond my expertise to define that for anyone else.

The second, Healthy Humaning, is my creation—my concept and framework for intentional growth and connection. And here’s the best news about Healthy Humaning:

You can’t do it wrong.

Wait, What? Healthy Humaning Defined

Let’s start with the definition:

Healthy Humaning is an intentional way of living that prioritizes showing up for yourself and others in the healthiest, most authentic ways you’re currently capable of—without requiring others to do the same.

And that’s why you can’t do it wrong. Healthy Humaning isn’t about perfection; it’s about trying. It’s about making the best choices available to you at each moment.

So how does this play out?

Scenario 1: Actively Participating in Healthy Humaning

If you’re actively and intentionally choosing Healthy Humaning, congratulations—you’re nailing it.

Even if you make mistakes, miss the mark, or realize in hindsight that you could have done something differently, you’re still in the game. Every experience is valuable data that adds to your XP (experience points) for next time.

You can’t do Healthy Humaning wrong when you’re actively choosing it because it’s defined by intention and effort.

Scenario 2: Just Existing

Maybe you’re not actively trying to practice Healthy Humaning right now. You’re just existing, moving through life with a mix of old habits, conditioned responses, and whatever tools you’ve picked up along the way.

That’s not “doing Healthy Humaning wrong”—it’s not doing Healthy Humaning at all. And that’s okay. There’s no shame in existing as you are, doing what you can with what you have.

Even in this state, you’re still gaining experience and insight. It might just be harder to notice in real time.

Scenario 3: Actively Choosing Against Healthy Humaning

Sometimes, you might choose not to practice Healthy Humaning. Maybe you’re reacting to unfairness, overwhelmed by circumstances, or just not in the mood. That’s a very human thing to do.

And guess what? That’s still not “doing it wrong.” Autonomy means having the freedom to choose—even when the choice isn’t peaceful or "right."

Healthy Humaning acknowledges that your choices are yours to make. The hope is that, whatever you choose, you can reflect on it later with self-compassion and, if needed, choose differently next time.

A Helpful Metaphor: Baking Brownies

Think of Healthy Humaning like baking.

• If I’m not trying to bake at all, I’m not “doing baking wrong.” I’m just not baking.

• If I start baking and the brownies burn, I’m still learning something valuable for next time.

• If I intentionally choose not to bake because I’m tired or out of flour, that’s my decision to make.

The only way to do Healthy Humaning is intentionally. If you’re not doing it on purpose, you’re not doing it wrong. If you are doing it on purpose, you’re learning, growing, and succeeding by definition.

What If I Miss the Mark?

Missing the mark doesn’t mean you’ve failed at Healthy Humaning. It means you’re human.

Sometimes, there’s fallout with others when we make mistakes, and that will need to be addressed. But it doesn’t negate your effort or invalidate your intentions.

Even in those moments, you’re worthy of self-compassion and empathy. You’re learning, growing, and evolving. That’s the whole point.

Final Thought

Healthy Humaning isn’t about perfection or universal harmony. It’s about showing up as your best self, doing what you can with what you have, and growing from every experience—whether it’s a win or a “learning opportunity.”

So go ahead: keep practicing. You’re doing it right.