Have you ever caught yourself spiraling into “what ifs” about someone’s feelings toward you?

“What if they don’t like me?”
“What if they’re just tolerating me?”
“What if I’m reading everything wrong?”

You’re not alone. Human brains are incredible but also notorious for floating past these thoughts uninvited. And it’s no wonder—many of us were raised in environments where fake politeness was prized over honesty. It’s easy to see why we question whether someone’s actions and words align.

But here’s the good news: You don’t have to live in that anxious headspace. By combining autonomy, personal responsibility, and healthy communication, you can create peace of mind and build resilience against these nagging doubts.

The Two Times Rule: What It Is and How It Works

The Two Times Rule is simple yet powerful:

• The first time a doubt pops into your head, acknowledge it without judgment. It’s just a thought, not fact.

• If the thought returns a second time in a short period (for me, that’s about 48 hours), it’s time to get curious and ask for clarity.

By addressing recurring doubts instead of ignoring or spiraling over them, you eliminate unnecessary stress and strengthen your emotional resilience.

Why This Works

1. It Honors Autonomy

Autonomy is the cornerstone of healthy connections. People have the right to think and feel however they choose, and you have no control over that. When you embrace autonomy, you also accept that some people might not like you—and that’s okay.

2. It Emphasizes Personal Responsibility

You’re responsible for your own thoughts, feelings, and actions—not theirs. By taking people at their word, you free yourself from overanalyzing and making assumptions.

3. It Encourages Honest Communication

Rather than guessing someone’s feelings, the Two Times Rule empowers you to ask directly. Something as simple as, “Hey, I have this story in my head that you might not like me—is there any truth to that?” opens the door to clarity and connection.

What If They Don’t Like You?

Sometimes, the answer to your question isn’t what you hoped for. Someone might say, “I don’t particularly enjoy your company, but I value the shared experiences we have together.”

This is where the real work begins:

• Can you let them be icy while staying true to your warm, bubbly self?

• Can you honor their autonomy without letting it change your authenticity?

Resilience isn’t about forcing people to like you. It’s about learning to coexist peacefully, regardless of how they feel.

Controlled Catastrophizing: A Tool for Building Resilience

Another way to manage overthinking is through a practice I call Controlled Catastrophizing. Here’s how it works:

1. Imagine the absolute worst-case scenarios.

2. Ask yourself:

• Am I already surviving parts of this?

• Do I have the tools or support to handle it if it happens?

3. Plan for how you’d navigate those outcomes.

Most of the time, you’ll realize two things:

1. You’re already handling more than you give yourself credit for.

2. The “worst case” is rarely as bad as your fears make it seem.

Breaking Free From the Spiral

Our brains are wired to question, doubt, and imagine. That’s not a flaw—it’s a feature. But by implementing tools like the Two Times Rule and Controlled Catastrophizing, you can channel those thoughts into growth and clarity.

Key Takeaways:

• Acknowledge your thoughts without judgment.

• Get curious and ask questions if doubts persist.

• Accept autonomy and take people at their word.

• Build resilience by preparing for—and surviving—the “what ifs.”

You deserve peace of mind, clarity, and happiness in your connections. And the best part? By modeling these practices, you make it safe for others to do the same with you.