Have you ever tried explaining how something feels to you, only to realize the person just doesn’t get it? Finding the exact words to articulate your thoughts and feelings can feel like trying to nail Jell-O to a wall.

For those of us conditioned to believe that other people’s opinions about us must translate into changes in ourselves, this challenge can run even deeper. Society didn’t exactly hand us tools for separating feedback from personal worth. Instead, we learned to view observations and opinions as critiques we must act on—a message that often comes with a side of second-guessing our own authenticity.

Let me share a personal example.

The Hair Color Revelation

The first radical hair color I tried in 2021 quickly became my favorite. One day, my husband shared that while he liked my choice, the color I had at the time was better suited for me.

Five years ago, this simple comment would have sent me into a spiral:

• Obsessive thoughts: "He must hate my favorite color."

• Unnecessary self-sacrifice: "I should never pick that color again."

• Eroded autonomy: "I guess I’ll just stick with the color he likes."

But now? I understand that his opinion is valid—and so is my choice. Relationships thrive when we can hold space for someone’s perspective without letting it dictate our self-worth.

This clarity didn’t come naturally, though. It took practice to stop internalizing every thought or observation as a demand to change.

The “I Believe You, But I Don’t” Moment

Fast forward to a recent conversation where I noticed a change in someone’s behavior. I worried that something I said had caused it, and I brought it up with them.

They reassured me that their shift in behavior wasn’t about me.
Logically, I believed them. Emotionally, I didn’t.

Cue the internal conflict:

• I believe in taking people at their word.

• My life experience says trusting reassurances can lead to heartbreak.

Trying to explain this paradox felt like playing a game of emotional Twister.

"I believe you, but I also don’t believe you."
Yeah, that sounded absurd to me too.

Separating My Issues From Their Reality

I realized this wasn’t their responsibility to fix. My hesitation to trust wasn’t about them—it was about me.

Here’s what I said:
"I believe you, but my life experience tells me that it’s a bad idea to believe someone based solely on reassurances."

What I meant:
Humans are dynamic. I can hold space for their words and reassurance while also honoring the uncertainty shaped by my past.

The key? Taking responsibility for my own healing and not projecting my doubts onto them.

Why This Matters

It’s easy to get trapped in a cycle of distrust when we carry unresolved fears into our relationships. But when we learn to:

1. Identify our triggers,

2. Communicate our feelings clearly

3. Own our healing journey,

...we start building relationships rooted in trust, understanding, and growth.

Healthy Humaning is all about creating connections where we feel safe enough to say, “This is my baggage, and I’m working through it. Thanks for being patient while I figure it out.”

A Healthy Humaning Takeaway

Learning to hold space for both your emotions and someone else’s truth is a superpower. It allows you to show up authentically without turning your insecurities into someone else’s burden.

The next time doubt creeps in, pause. Ask yourself:

• Am I making this their problem when it’s actually mine to solve?

• How can I honor both my experience and their truth?

• What tools do I need to build trust in this connection?

Because when we take ownership of our issues, we create space for better conversations—and better relationships.