"Why did you say it like that?" one of my kids asked, their tone edged with defensiveness.

I paused. I thought I understood what they were feeling and why they were asking, but instead of jumping in with clarifying questions or preemptively labeling their emotions—like I might have when they were younger—I chose to give them space to articulate their own thoughts.

"Say what, like what?"

"You told me to do the thing, and you sounded really condescending. I was getting to it."

This particular kid has the hardest time calling me out on my own shit without becoming dysregulated, and I could see the discomfort all over their face. Yet, here they were, speaking up anyway. Before we even got to the heart of the conversation, I was already bursting with pride.

"Ah. Nope, not condescending. I wasn’t telling you—I was asking because I got distracted by the storm clouds rolling in and genuinely didn’t know if you had gotten that far yet. Since it was something that got missed last time, I wanted to make sure it was covered this time."

"Oh, okay."

"You are always welcome to call me on it if that’s what it sounds like or feels like to you. AND, just know that condescension is never going to be my intention or goal. That’s not who I am as a person."

I also reminded them that it’s my job to teach them and that humans learn a lot from repetition. I’d much rather say the thing more times than necessary than not enough. I explained that as much as possible, I’m going to ask questions instead of giving commands because it helps their brain learn better.

From start to finish, the whole interaction took maybe two minutes. Barely a blip in an otherwise busy day.

But I can’t stop thinking about it.

Not just because it highlights how much growth and maturity this kid has developed, though that’s a big part of it. There’s something even more incredible:

Those two minutes were a masterclass in Healthy Humaning.

Healthy Humaning in Action

Let’s break it down.

"Why did you say it like that?"

• They recognized they had an emotional response. (Emotional Intelligence)

• They made the choice to speak up. (Emotional Intelligence, Personal Responsibility)

• They asked a clarifying question instead of reacting with anger, silence, or defensiveness. (Communication, Emotional Intelligence)

• They waited for me to respond. (Communication)

My Response:

• I recognized their defensiveness without taking it personally. (Emotional Intelligence)

• I made a choice to respond thoughtfully instead of reacting out of frustration. (Boundaries, Emotional Intelligence, Autonomy, Personal Responsibility)

That’s six micro-moments of Healthy Humaning in the first 10 seconds alone.

The Choices Add Up

Throughout the entire interaction, I counted at least 31 distinct opportunities where either one of us made choices aligned with Healthy Humaning.

• My kid chose to engage instead of withdraw.

• I chose to listen without defensiveness.

• They chose curiosity over assumption.

• I chose to clarify my intention and offer reassurance.

• Together, we navigated a moment of potential conflict with kindness, empathy, and authenticity.

Every one of those micro-moments shaped the outcome of this seemingly mundane conversation.

What’s more?
Each of those choices was an opportunity to do something different—something less kind, less thoughtful, or less aligned with who we want to be.

But we didn’t.

Practice Makes Progress

With all the work I’ve put into cultivating my own Healthy Humaning, it’s no surprise how this went down from my side. But it wasn’t always like this.

There was a time when I might have reacted defensively.
There was a time when I would have made these same choices but had to work so much harder to do so intentionally. Back then, it wasn’t second nature—it was a struggle.

That in-between space is where the magic happens. It’s where you practice until it feels natural. It’s where you build the skills to show up authentically and with intention, even in the heat of the moment.

Why This Matters

This seemingly small interaction is the perfect example of how Healthy Humaning is in everything.

Every conversation, every reaction, every choice is an opportunity to practice.
Each micro-moment builds on the last, creating a bigger picture of growth, trust, and connection.

It’s the little things—those small, intentional moments—that create the big picture of who we are and how we relate to others.

Healthy Humaning isn’t about getting it right every time. It’s about showing up, practicing, and growing.

Final Thoughts

The next time you find yourself in a conversation, pay attention to the micro-moments.

What choices are you making?
How are you showing up for yourself and others?

And remember, even in the tiniest of interactions, there’s room to practice kindness, empathy, and authenticity.

Because the big picture of Healthy Humaning? It’s built one small choice at a time.

#HappyHealthyHumaning