Aggressive Authenticity: The Best Breakup I’ve Ever Had
Three years ago, I learned what it meant to fight for myself, and let me tell you—it was a battle.
Today, I don’t always feel the need to be so aggressive in my authenticity, but I love the version of me that stood up and said, “No more.”
Go little rockstar.
Breaking Up With "Just Be Nice"
I grew up steeped in the “be nice, don’t make waves” mentality. The kind that teaches you to tone it down, stay appealing, and make yourself easy to digest for everyone else.
It left me disconnected, exhausted, and small.
Not anymore.
I’ve canceled that subscription, and the version of me who said “fuck this” is my hero. That version realized I didn’t have to shrink myself to fit into spaces—or relationships—that weren’t built for me. I’ve since made it my mission to show up unapologetically as myself, and I can’t recommend it enough.
Who I Am, No Apologies
Here’s what that looks like:
I use an inclusive Pride flag as my backdrop—not because the people who know me need it, but because I want to repel anyone who would deny another human’s right to belong.
I drop F-bombs freely. If profanity offends you, we’re probably not a good fit, and that’s okay.
I’m queer as hell, and if I could walk around as a literal rainbow without extra effort, I absolutely would.
I’m all about personal growth. I’ll push you gently—but firmly—past “I don’t know” to discover what’s really holding you back.
This isn’t about being polarizing for the sake of it. It’s about clarity. It’s about honoring my boundaries, values, and the people I want in my life.
Cultivating My Inner Circle
The pandemic was a crash course in discernment. I took a hard look at who and what I was allowing into my life, both online and offline, and made some cuts:
Family and acquaintances who didn’t care about my life? Gone.
People who were outright opposed to who I am? Bye.
Toxic social norms that demand we perform niceness at the expense of our authenticity? See ya never.
What I gained was far more than what I let go.
My inner circle is now full of people who get me, who resonate with everything I am. It’s freeing. It’s empowering. It’s peace.
The Ripple Effect of Authenticity
Here’s the thing: I’m not just doing this for me.
I help my clients build their boundaries and cultivate authenticity, and I can’t do that if I’m not living it myself. Healthy Humaning means showing up for yourself first so you can show up for others in the healthiest way possible.
It’s also about modeling what’s possible:
Yes, you can set boundaries without guilt.
Yes, you can let go of relationships that don’t align with your values.
Yes, you can thrive without performing a version of yourself that isn’t real.
This isn’t just about living authentically; it’s about living fully.
Fuck Being Palatable
If the real me pisses someone off, repels them, or intimidates them, that’s a feature, not a bug.
This is the me who will write books that live in the self-help section because that’s where I’ve always felt at home.
This is the me who will raise my child to say “fuck” if they want to, and mean it.
This is the me who will take this energy into every corner of my life—relationships, work, and all.
Authenticity isn’t just a practice; it’s a revolution.
And I am all in.
