Giving Feedback That Builds Connection and Trust
Feedback can be tough—for the giver and the receiver. Whether you’re worried about hurting someone’s feelings, creating tension, or souring a relationship, it’s no wonder we often avoid these conversations altogether. But the truth is, feedback doesn’t have to feel like walking a tightrope.
With the right approach, feedback can become an opportunity to foster trust, growth, and understanding. Here’s how you can transform the feedback process into a meaningful and productive exchange.
Feedback vs. Critique vs. Criticism: Know the Difference
Feedback: Information shared to support growth or improvement.
Critique: A detailed analysis to assess something’s strengths and weaknesses.
Criticism: Pointing out faults, often in a disapproving way.
Feedback is most effective when it’s constructive, well-intentioned, and rooted in care.
How to Prepare for Giving Feedback
1. Set the Container
Before diving in, create an environment where the other person feels safe and respected. This means:
Avoid surprises. Only give feedback when you’re ready to have a full, thoughtful conversation.
Ask about their preferences. Do they prefer written or verbal feedback? Do they need time to process before responding?
2. Establish a Foundation of Trust
Start by building a relationship rooted in safety and mutual respect. When people trust that your feedback comes from a genuine desire to help, they’re more likely to receive it openly.
3. Know Your Purpose
What’s the goal of your feedback? If there’s no clear purpose, it’s likely unnecessary criticism—and that doesn’t help anyone.
Making Feedback a Collaborative Process
Ask Questions to Understand Their Needs
Tailoring feedback to someone’s preferences shows you care. Here are some questions to ask:
How much notice would you like before receiving feedback?
Do you prefer written or verbal feedback?
What do you need to feel supported during the conversation?
Is there anything I should avoid to make this easier for you?
Examples of Different Feedback Styles
Everyone’s preferences are unique. Consider these examples:
Taylor: Prefers face-to-face feedback without any prior warning.
Jamie: Wants a written summary first, then a follow-up conversation.
Kris: Prefers feedback in small, text-based chunks with validation throughout.
By asking and sharing preferences, you ensure the process feels less like a one-sided critique and more like a team effort.
Key Reminders for Giving Feedback
Acknowledge the Discomfort
Feedback can feel awkward or vulnerable—it’s okay to name that upfront.Lead with Care
Frame your feedback as a reflection, not a critique. Focus on behaviors and outcomes, not personal faults.Be Flexible
People’s needs and preferences may shift over time. It’s okay to revisit and adjust how feedback is given.Focus on the Goal
Always tie your feedback back to the desired outcome. Feedback without purpose is just criticism.
The Bigger Picture
When feedback is done right, it builds stronger connections. It’s no longer about me vs. you—it’s about us working together toward improvement. Sharing your own preferences and asking for theirs makes the process feel collaborative and equitable.
Feedback doesn’t have to be scary. It’s an opportunity to show care, foster growth, and strengthen trust in your relationships.
